Thank you girlfriends!

Mon - Raya @hometown
Tues - movies with besties. Two words: Jacob = HOT!
Wed - YTM's award and hen's dinner. Yummylicious!
Thurs - Zzzzz
Fri - Natrah the musical. Thanks peep for the free tix! Gorgeous Remy. *drool*
Sat - hen's & movies. Awesome food. Hail Chillis!
Sun - girls day out. Love u girls to bits.
Mon - ??
Tues - teh tarik session
Wed - hen's. Uber cool band, funny + sentimental dedication, cute headgear, yummy dinner + cake. What more can I ask for? ;D
Thurs - back to hometown
Fri - IJ's solemnization. Cried a tiny bit. She didn't see it though. He he. Congrates dearie!
Sat - IJ's reception. Lucky maid-of-honour? Yours truly, thank you very much.
Sun - wed prep
Mon - Zzzzzz
Tues - farewell lunch
Wed - farewell breakfast

Haven't had much rest for the last couple of weeks. Comrade's coming back to town this coming weekend, fiancee's flying home next Tuesday. I don't need happy pills, for I HAVE BECOME THE PILLS! muehehehe.

Apart from the bulging tummy, life has been swell.

Cheers!

Double celebration for the day!

Alhamdulillah, me and a bunch of others were selected to receive Scholar Excellence Award 2009 from Yayasan Telekom Malaysia. The certificate and gifts were presented by none other than our very own Group CEO Dato' Zam Isa, so hooray for that! Press from various media were also invited to cover the ceremony so it was kinda cool to have both the GCEO and the press together coz it made me feel special and important (poyo). The dude from Harian Metro took my photo and details so I was guessing that he wanted to feature me for the recipient of the Master's degree award but unfortunately I had to leave before he had the chance to do a proper interview as I had training to attend to after lunch. Bummer, else you might see me in tomorrow's edition. Perasan. I am still crossing my fingers for the photo to come out muehehe gile glamour tak aku? 2 kali poyo. Whatever.

I wanted to leave before lunch took place but my tummy was telling me not to so I stayed put and boy, was I glad I did coz lunch was scrumptious! We had meat soup as starters while mains consist of white rice, ikan merah masak lemak cili api, black pepper meat, butter prawn, tofu with soy sauce and chilly asparagus. Left before desert was served, so not only did I miss my favorite portion but also the press conference and teh tarik session with the GCEO which came afterwards. Another bummer.

I guess YTM did not have much to spare as the scholars did not receive any remuneration as we did last time. Few years ago instead of receiving nicely wrapped gifts, we were presented with a simple brown envelope but with RM1k cheque enclosed instead. Cool aye? Furthermore, it was held in Holiday Villa Subang and parents were invited to join the event so it was kinda cool to see how proud they were to see their kids on stage. This time, it was held at Level 50 of Menara TM instead but despite that, all was good and I am greatly thankful for the recognition so again, Alhamdulillah ;)

On another note, met up with SS and SJ at Telawi's for dinner - love the ambience at La Bodega. We did not go for tapas as it was quite pricey for such small portions so each had normal western meal (duh) - cheese burger, roasted and sauteed chicken. There goes my diet but nevertheless thanks SJ for the exquisite meal! Ohh not forgetting SS for coffee and choc cake afterwards, it was awesome! Anyway, haven't met SJ for so long as she was busy with her wedding preparation - hall booking, invitation, house reno and all. Mentang2 la bf belikan duplex condo kat Damansara! I envy you babe! ;p

It has been a good 10 years since I've known them and I am pleased to say that both girls have done me proud. SS is currently working in an internationally recognized oil and gas company while SJ is in the insurance industry. We've been through a lot together and I sincerely hope that this friendship will last a lifetime. I would say lots have changed since the last decade - both have grown into successful, mature adult and I salute you two for becoming the person that you are today! Each is embarking on different challenges and journeys and I wish them the best of luck in all that they do - you two are always in my prayers ;)

Photos to come.

From top to bottom: yummy; yummy; yummy; from YTM, from SS, thanks dearie!

Penat

Ini adalah entry melepas perasaan: dont say I didn't warn ya peeps.

I am dead tired with questions pertaining to my fiancee. Some friends seemed to be overly concerned with the fact that I am engaged to a dude who is 12 years older than me. I have been asked various questions ranging from his bank account up to my parent's approval.

I would not say it did not hurt me as some of them came from those who are dearest to me. What amuses me the most is those questions came from friends with good educational background, work in top notch companies yet the mentality?

I'd say shallower than a kiddie pool. Nothing much to dig in there.

I mean, do I look like some bimbo who's got dollar signs in my eyes? Or someone who's marrying a dude who can be considered my dad? Am I ugly to a point I have no options and have to make do to anyone who proposed?

Last time I checked my advanced European masters degree is still intact in the blue folder. And I still receive my monthly paycheck from what many considered a reputable company. I may not go on hot dates every Saturday night but I think I look decent enough to have had boyfriends and dates over the years to be able to say that most men suck. Big time. Yeah, just like you. With pea sized brain who act like assholes.

What's with the age? What's the big deal about it? Tell me pretty please coz I just don't get it really. And what's with the question of whether he is rich? Even if he is, then what? Aren't you supposed to be happy for me? Does it make me a tramp for wanting to be with someone who has a good job and a decent paycheck?

Is age a breaking point? A go or no go? Maybe it is if you're marrying someone who can be considered your dad or your grandpa. But is 12 bloody years too much? Heck, he can even be your brother. Maybe he is a tad older, so what? Have you ever considered other questions to ask? Like whether he is a nice chap? Someone who comes from a good family? Is he responsible? Does he has good education / job? Is he smart enough for me to be able to look up to him? Does he make me laugh?

Would it matter if I told you that he is a super nice chap up to a point he is taken advantage off over and over again? Or that he was badly heartbroken once yet still wishes her the best in all that she does? Would it matter if I told you that he contacts his mother and sisters almost daily even when he is thousands of miles away? Would it count that he was the youngest chap by at least 10 years to have ever run the school? Or the fact that he goes out to lunch at least once a week with his janitor, and invites her to the school's fiesta when everybody else look down on her?

Maybe not. Coz no matter what I say you would still think that I am going for his money or probably snatching the first moving thing that comes my way.

I'm sorry if your hubby / boyfriend is having trouble to make ends meet and have to rely on you at the end of the month. I'm sorry that you have to chip in a hefty sum for that roof over the head and the furnishing even when it is his duty to provide. I'm sorry that he does not help you in the kitchen or with house chores even when he is not the sole breadwinner. Or the fact that he is not sensitive enough to remember your birthday and appreciate your sacrifices even when you bore him his child.

Just coz you're in deep shit, it doesn't make it right for you to condemn. Or is it jealousy that I sense?

You dated a guy for 6 bloody years and he wasted it on a bitch, yet had the guts to come crying to you and tell you that you're the very best thing that ever happened to him.
You dated a serial dater who told you that he had his eyes on you since the first day you two met, but who were you kidding?
And then you met someone who's smart, kind and sweet, and you thought hey, you've hit the jackpot big time. But then again, even the sweetest guy screw you and took you for a ride.

Men are just full of crap.

What the hell was I thinking when I said yes?

I go crazy when it's the time of the month. Bear with me honey.

I go crazy when it's the time of the month

cha ya nun alif celaka.

Melantak sudah tidak ada lagi dalam kamus hidup saya

Iye la tuh.

Tadi pagi saya makan meehoon goreng dengan telur mata dan sambal. Nak di jadikan cerita sambal tu ada belacan tapi saya belasah jugak. Habis la zit face muka saya pagi besok. Elok la tu, exactly what I needed. Lunch time pulak saya nekad pegi aerobic. Time melompat ok lagi, tiba time floor exercise memang saya kantoi. Huhu sangat sedih menjadi gemok dan takde stamina. It's 4.19 p.m here, I haven't eaten since and my tummy is making noises. LOTS of noises.

By the way, comel kan daisypath kat atas tuh? Main main dgn benda tu tetiba semalam baru sedar yang shoot, I only have like a month, 3 weeks and 2 days till the big day. Sempat ke nak kurus nie? Mati la pakai baju kahwin macam sarung nangka la gamaknya.

Anyway, I recently bought myself 2.5 meters of beaded off-white lace and also, 4 meters of off-white satin. Like I mentioned in the previous entry, I wanted to initially make baju kurung moden for all 3 ceremonies including the reception, so smart me figured that I'd be using 2 meters for the baju and half a meter to make patches to the kain and veil as to not look like a moving curtain (y'know, in a full body beaded lace. Ke cantik ah?). Anyway, few days ago I came across a simple yet elegant design on the internet which is perfect, I tell you, PERFECT for my white theme wedding. I emailed the photo to my mom and the first thing she said was "Eh, awak tu tembam. Boleh ke design macam nie? Nanti nampak perut boncit lak. Plus you need at least 3 meters for this kind of design." So there goes my dream dress :(

Apart from that, THE PERFECT DRESS is also made off french lace which cost a bomb and would definitely put a hugeeee hole in my pocket but I soooo want it like badlyyyy, teruk kannnnn? Told dear fiancee about it and obviously he thinks it's ridiculous to spend that much moolah for a 4 hour event plus you might not wear the dress anymore in future since it is white. Huwaaaaaa! Saya nak jugak boleh tak??? Saya tak boleh tido malam terkenang baju tu so can I please pretty please have it pleaseeeeeee?? Yes this is me bridezilla speaking! Tapi saya takut mak saya tau nanti dia marah. So much for kenduri kesyukuran nak beli kain harga tak masuk akal.

Annnyway, was talking to a colleague today and showed the same photo and he said "Go ahead! First of all you are not fat and second of all everybody has got tummy and you can always wear corset to cover it up". Tapi kan cemana nak cover kelebaran dari tepi lak??? Beats me.

Sangat sedih menjadi gemok.

Little nephew camwhoring with my mac!

"Uhh uhh what's this cik ngah?"
"Hmm what's this little button?"
"Oh wow it takes photos just like ayah's camera!"

"Then maybe I should do my usual twist! To the left..."
"...and to the right!"
"Goshh cik ngah this is so much fun!!"
"Come on dude check this out!"
"Ayah pleaseeeeee I'm not done with this!! Cik ngah helppppp!!!"

Nama: Adam
Umor: 3 1/2 tahun
Character: Sangat nakal dan hyper. Berpeluh macam mandi kalu kejar dia dalam shopping complex. Kecik kecik dah pandai camwhore thanks to the father who owns a DSLR and uses him as his favorite subject.
Kepandaian: Pandai mengeja dan menaip walaupon tak pandai cakap thus pandai meng-google dan meng-youtube his favorite cartoons i.e Upin Ipin, Pingu etc. We were at awe when he read out loud my dad's registration plate when he was 2 1/2 years old. Smart kiddo!
Hobbies: Computer games and obviously, camwhoring. Apa nak jadi daaaaaa he he.

Sib baik comel. Sayaaaaaaaaaag Adam muahhhhhhhh!

Kids are simply adorable aren't they? ;)

Asam pedas, one brilliant movie and best of friends. Just how I like it best.

Unlike most people who blog, I often spend hours in front of my lappy to finish up an entry. I love writing and all but I find it hard to concentrate and words never seemed to be on my side or flow like the river when their inside my head. To translate what's inside my mind into words is like asking little boys to sit and do geometry. They'll love the mechanical aspect but will take hours to merely do a circle by staying still. Errr is that even a decent comparison? See what I mean?

Anyways, I've just lost a whole stack of DVDs that I got from last year *haiyak there goes my collection* so a friend had to buy a brand new VCD of Sex and the City for our movie-watching last night. That movie never fails to move me and I was in fact an avid watcher of their series a couple of years ago. I know some people think it's lame but I personally think the scripts were brilliant, the characters were distinctive and fun, and the storyline was simple but awesome as it was mainly about men and relationships but it just gets to me every single time, know what I mean? Oh and not forgetting thanks much to another friend for that mean asam pedas ikan parang. Gosh I am salivating as I am writing this so dear friend can we have another feast of asam pedas soon please? He he.

Oh did I tell you people that I simply love My sassy girl? Not the American remake but the original Korean version that had me laughing and crying at the same time!


I think I've read somewhere that it was the first Korean film that won an international award back in 2002 perhaps? What got to me the most was the fact that it was a true story so being a romantic at heart *bluwekk* it made me believe that there is still good (men) in the world though they might be scarce he he. It was about pure love and fate and just that. I love simple storyline but one that manages to give your heart a tug, know what I mean? For those who have never seen the film I urge you to and for those who are interested in the plot you may just want to check this out. Shall we have this on our next DVD watching session girls?

I am currently down with a slight fever and am on MC since 11 am this morning. Had my steroid dosage after brunch so things are looking a bit more promising though my nose is still running. Apart from that, life is swell and I have much to be thankful for.

Good night everyone, may we have a better week ahead. Adios!

The latest dope

Haven't seen this around, have you?


Kinda boring at first, but once you get the hang of it - it gets more interesting and quite a page turner that I had trouble putting it down. Kudos to the Musas for a brilliant book which looks into Malaysia in the 70s. I do not think it is available in the local bookstore but hey, I haven't been looking for one so who knows? (To those interested probably you can check out eBay or Amazon but I suppose it must come with a hefty postage fee). Apart from the bureaucracy dramas and the infamous telephone saga (ape ke he TM dolu2 nie? buek malu den jo!), also included were some juicy stories regarding the royals which shall not be revealed here but I can bet ya, will leave you in awe.

So what are ya waiting for? I say go get the book and enjoy the read!

The weekend that was and October babies

First thing I did when I woke up last Sunday morning was to look up fesyen pengantin berbadan gempal. Did not get much info so I googled fesyen pengantin berisi instead. Told SS about it while having brunch later on which made her laughed her heart out. Errr what's so funny about that??
Anyway, all that came out were a bunch of baju kurung moden and gowns with flowing skirts below the bust. I think I'll opt for a simple baju kurung moden for all 3 ceremonies. Hey, less is more isn't it? ;)

My fiancee (ohh did I told you people that I got engaged?) got tired of me complaining a whole lot about my body so he asked me to list down 10 things I loathe about me and to read them out loud.

1. Gemoks - back to old figure of 54kg. Yikes!
2. Rabun - anyone has RM 8k to give out to charity? I look like a geek in glasses so I am in serious need of LASIK!
3. Botak - yep my hairline is receding tsk tsk!
4. Jongang - my teeth are 8mm overjet which has been confirmed by none other than a dental specialist merangkap bakal kakak ipar saya. Imagine your teeth being inspected by your future SIL only to find out that not only you need braces but drilling too for the holes on two of your molars. Talking about giving a good impression on your first meeting. Hmmm...
5. Ass the size of Africa - need explanation NOT!
6. Peha besar drumstick
7. Jari kaki yang pelik - sbb yg #2 lagi panjang dr yg lain so macam terkeluar gitu
8. Boroi
9. Pekak
10. ...

Can't remember the last one but I think I actually ended up with 11 instead of 10.
And you know what he said? "Ok sayang perfect 10! I take them all!"

;) ;) ;)

Anyway, earlier this morning while I was carrying my lunch box to the office which consists of a can of chicken soup, a ceramic bowl, a spoon and 2 apples; the paper bag decided to fail on me by ripping at the bottom. Had a little run of my life to catch those apples muehehe. I am a clumsy mumsy person yes I am but dear fiancee calls me cute instead! He he.

On a different note, I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to me yes ME! and a bunch of good friends who were born on this special month of October and have no idea about the existence of this blog he he.

To SS - Happy 28th birthday! Crossing my fingers for things to work out the way you want them to. Do take things one step at a time and prioritize your list. I know you can do it! Thank you for being such a good friend all these years and you know I'll always be here for you though we'll be thousands of miles apart! Stay ambitious, chic and positive!

To LP - Happy 27th Birthday! Stay happy and chirpy! Wishing for all good things to come your way. Wishing you all the best in your career and your new built up company. I know you'll make us proud! And thank you for being such a wonderful companion through out the whole duration. You've been awesome!

To PM - Happy 26th Birthday! Stay funny and sober! Let's hope Hotel Amalia's incident won't occur no more this time! Ha ha. That was good fun though. Wishing you too, all the best in terms of career and personal growth. I love the fact that you're so spontaneous and were able to crack jokes at almost anything! Just stay you!

To CM - Happy 31st birthday! Though not an October baby, I feel like it would be unjust to leave you out from the list. Stay Mr Nice Guy, ethical, honest, and all there is that made you YOU! You've been an inspiration and have taught me much about love and life. As always, I wish you all the best life has got to offer.

Have a nice week everyone!

Love text #1

Him:
"Boring wee la jalle soghe"

Me:
"Hmm me too boring soghe pahtu gemok cam badak lak tu don't even look nice in a white kebaya yep i am dooomed and you're gettin a fat ass wife! huwarghh tensen."

Him:
" Pade doh you're gettin an old cog, dark and none of a prince charming whatsoever ooo paghok. But with lots of love!


How can you not love the guy?

Bak kata meishi. Yep, I am in kuch kuch hota hai mode. Ha ha.

Love letter #1

" This could well be one of the love letters we talked about. It is going to be fractionally small, as then you would have to squint and hold it close to you. Closer to your heart, closer to your mind. I am about to wake you up in a few minutes time so that I can show what I am packing in, in a small package to you - the Quran (and its translation and commentaries), a pen, a pencil and a journal. I am not doing quite well in term of writing love letters, am I? Suffice to say perhaps, I fell asleep last night thinking of you, and woke up this morning wanting to call you. Therefore, it would be so much easier if only we went to bed together last night, then I would not have to start punching numbers or using the mouse - I would simply kiss you on your forehead, play with your hair, and whisper good morning gently in your ear. One day, not long from now. "

Love you always,
Mr X

280909

Someone is gonna puke on this one but what the heck!

-----Original Message-----
From: Ms Y@tm.com.my
Sent: Thu, 1 Oct 2009 16:51:50 +0800
To: Mr X@inbox.com
Subject: FW: gambor raya

Tak cun langsung. Dah la gemok, zit face lak tuh. at the age of 28.
yucks.

Sure u still wanna marry me?

-----Original Message-----
From: Mr X@inbox.com
Sent: Thu, 1 Oct 2009 01:17:02 -0800
To: Ms Y@tm.com.my
Subject: RE: FW: gambor raya

<Sure u still wanna marry me?>

answers:

1. Yes, so long as you'll have me.
2. Yes, so long as you take me as I am.
3. Yes, so long as you do the above and wear your heart on your sleeve, for me.

> Mr X.

refer attached photo!


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Gambar dirahsiakan sebab sangat gemok hokeh!

But isn't he the sweetest? ;)

Beauty is only skin deep

So I got it all nicely layered - the Swiss roll on the bottom, followed by custard, then a can of mixed fruits, and finally the jelly to finish it off.

I even lined up some sliced peaches and made it into a flowery shape just so it'll look prettier.

But I burned the custard during preparation.

So you can imagine the look on everyone's faces when they first laid their eyes on it.

And the look on their faces when they actually tasted it.

Ha ha.

The same rule applies when it comes to people.

They may look pretty on the outside - well, if you can even call them pretty in the first place. But once you get to know them, it might be a whole different story.

Like I said, beauty is only skin deep.

I rest my case.

This one goes out to my precious

We only managed to shove half of it down our throat. Yep, that huge steamed siakap, chilly prawn and Chinese style fried veggie - all home cooked. Chef in action: RA, MJ and yours truly. Thank you very much.

Food indulgence is customary whenever MJ is back in town. The usual trio - MJ, MY and myself would wallop everything just like the piranhas. It boggles me sometimes how ecstatic we could get when it comes to food - yet the trash bin is our bestie, well, at least for me and MJ whenever we try to fix something up in the kitchen. Thank god things are looking more promising nowadays as compared to few years back. Te he he. We drove to MY's place later on to pick her up and made ourselves comfortable at Bangsar's Starbucks. Got myself an Americano, while MY treated herself in hot choc and MJ in passion tea to help with her sore throat.

Had a blast with my two girls, as usual. Sometimes it feels like these two are the few remaining sensible people left, at least in my world. Foxy on the outside (wink wink!), beautiful on the inside. I guess what brought us together is what we value in life. Many I've met are just plain empty. Many are after those that do not really matter. Some are vain, while some think they're better than the rest - when in truth they have nothing to offer. Some think being verbally honest is the way to go when all they do is hurt those that are dearest to them. Often I chose to ignore, but at times it gets to me and when that happens, I chose to be silent. I mean, why bother?

But I can bet you not these two. They're deep, genuine, and most importantly they've got substance and that my friend, makes them classy. They seek for the same qualities on the XY gene and that's what makes it so difficult for not many posses similar attributes. I say be patient, for exceptional people are hard to come by - not in terms of look, style, rides nor bank accounts, but in terms of characteristics, values and beliefs.

I wish both of them the best of luck in their journeys ahead. May it be a road worth traveled and may both of them find peace and self realization through it all. Been there, done that. It ain't gonna be easy, but I'm sure it'll be worth it. To MY - break a leg and do us proud - we know you'll ace it smart girl! To MJ - stay calm, step on it with two steady feet and I'm sure you'll do just fine ;)

Love you both! XOXO ;)

From top to bottom; our steamed siakap - what's with the horrific face mr fish?; chilly prawn and fried veggie - mind the mismatched dinnerware.

Happy Ramadhan 1430

I got a morning buzz from a cousin a couple of days back who mentioned that my life is marked in colors. According to cousin I've got too much of a good thing going on that I'd be a benchmark among our cousins and that got her worried. Ha ha.

I'd say yup my life has been marked in colors though not all have been magnificently bright - some were dim and definitely, some dark ones too. It has been a roller coaster ride like many others - but a good one though. Despite the disappointments and heartbreaks I'd say it has been a hell of a journey and I wouldn't have it any other way. As the saying goes, what does not break you, makes you stronger.

Funny that our life is always observed through rose-tinted glass not by you, but by another human being. It is you and only you who knows the actual picture and the details for each happening, you who feel the pain and sorrow of all that are thought to be glorified events in one's life from another person's perspective. Ain't the grass always greener on the other side? Nevertheless, I still have much to be thankful for.

So, thank you cousin for reminding me of how good life is treating me. Cousin once mentioned that every family is dysfunctional in their own kind of way and I guess it is true to a certain extent. Nevertheless I thank god for a wonderful set of parents who love me to bits despite my flaws (though I kept reminding mother than I am somewhat of a good kid so PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE get off my back and let me be - a cry out which of course were continuously ignored by her...tsk tsk!) Also, I am thankful for the many good friends that I have for you girls have rocked my world! Not forgetting you, yes YOU - you know who you are ;)

On another note, I would also like to wish everyone a very Happy Ramadhan. May this holy month brings the utmost peace and joy to all of us. God bless.

How He Makes Me Feel

Song by Hope - Who Am I to Say

He Who Does Not Know

He asked me once, and I lied. I said nope, I do not write thus I do not own a blog. I didn't feel like I could trust him back then, so I simply lied.

He does not know about the existence of Cikitita.

We talked about many things. Everyday lives. And past relationships. He told me about his ex-girlfriend, his only girlfriend, and even that ended many, many years ago. I told him about me, about what I like and what I loathe, about people who are dearest to me.

I like him. In fact, I like him a whole lot. He is smart and witty, yet humble and unpretentious. He respects me. He does not get on my nerves.

He seems to know about a whole lotta stuff which makes me feel small, and stupid, at times.

He makes me laugh, he even makes me cry.

I guess it is true when they say love will come knocking when you least expect it.

Here we go again

So the meter on my weighing machine has moved to the right. Not an extreme right but a lil teeny weeny right. But still.

My fingers were shaking as I clicked on the BMI calculator. I squinted my eyes to catch the result and to my surprise it was a good 21.7. Hey, not bad for someone who eats like a horse aye?

So I figure, hey, let's be done with the weight madness thingy. From today onwards, I shall eat whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want. I shall say goodbye to calorie count and high protein diet. No more of substituting roti canai for a capati. Or a glass of teh tarik for a teh C.

Ya right!

Deeper conversation

Is your favorite color blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outer space?
And I'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And I'm learning you

And if you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

They say life is not the amount of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away

You showed me the little teddy and that almost got me into a fit. I didn't recognize it at first - not because I wasn't paying attention but because I didn't expect it to still be there. It never crossed my mind that you'd keep it this long and brought it with you across the Indian ocean. It still looks the same only that it doesn't have the tiny chocolate pouch on its tummy anymore coz you ate them all. Instead, it was holding some sort of flower that you got from an old lady who was selling it for charity. You were laughing when you told me about it probably because you think it's just plain silly. But I never thought about it that way - I know you didn't feel like buying but you just couldn't resist helping an old lady on the street could ya? That made my heart blossomed and I pray to God that you'd stay this way forever.

So I grabbed my little bull and shoved it to you. I wanted you to know that I too, still have it close to me. Sometimes I sleep with it in my arms. And when you asked me his name I broke down and cry.

I didn't mean too.

I'm sorry.


You showed me around and told me that you've gotten yourself a silky blanket and it made me wonder if the material makes you cold but you said no. Good, that ought to keep you warm at night. And you showed me the portable air-conditioner that keeps you cool during summer. I saw your so-called wardrobe where you've gotten all your clothes nicely hung. It doesn't look like you shop much. Or probably you have others stacked nicely somewhere in the room. Always a neat you are, I know.

It was funny seeing you putting that helmet on. It felt like nothing had changed. It felt like the good old days where we used to laze around and make good fun of each other, where you told me about your days and I told you about mine. Take good care on the road will ya? Promise I won't tell your mom.

I'm glad you got all your money back. I hope the market will do you good this year and the upcoming year as well. It was good hearing you laughed when I told you that I lost my only potential client due to procrastination. And that I still keep everything in a bond simply coz I'm a chicken. He he.

It was a very nice chat indeed but I was on the verge of breaking down again so I said so long. Good bye. Till next time. Adios.

p/s: I'm ok and will be ok. You take care ok best buddie?

More love notes

I think I shall turn this blog into our virtual love nest where I can spill everything that is in my head. This is kinda crazy you know because it kinda look like I am living my life in the past but then again I am pretty much happy with the past and if the past keeps me happy then so be it aye?

I remember seeing you the first time in that small room with the rest of the crowd and sorry to say baby you were off no significance to me. You were just another bloke nothing better than the rest. I never really took notice in you until a few weeks later when I saw you looking all nice in your S size maroon t-shirt and your grey corduroy, very stylish and strong with your spiky hair and that noticeable biceps on your arms. And I said to myself, Geez, what a lost. The guy must be gay.

From time to time I would let out small giggles when I think of how everything fell into places between us as we are off different world that it was almost crazy that we actually hanged out. But hey they say opposites attract so probably that was what happened back then aye? If I am not mistaken I remember you telling me once that you fell for me for my bubbly-ness and my contagious laughter perhaps? And I fell for you for your big heart and principles. I have never met someone quite like you before.

It took us sometime to hit it off owing to the fact that we see each other every single day. I remember how you would wait up for me so we could walk together everywhere. I remember how jealous you were of AD especially because you think he liked me. Ohh remember that
exact moment when MA came over and massaged you on your back? That got us both spooked! He he.

I am smiling right this very moment reminiscing all those precious moments spent with you. You made it all more colorful and worthwhile, such wonderful memories that left me with this sense of exhilaration whenever I am reminded of them. I am so glad that you were part of it all for it would not have been what it was were you not around. Such wonderful time it was, indeed.

...

I kinda miss you today so here I am writing you a smoochy love note to get the feeling off my chest. I was looking through your profile and that picture of you standing in front of the huge Alcatraz reminded me of the good times we had merely some time ago. That had me smiling for a while looking at your once spunky short hair that I oh loved so dearly. I remember how close we were and how much I like being around you and you around me.

I remember how cool it was when you came over night after night to have dinner with my family. That made me fell even more for you and I remember thinking oh what a cool guy you were with such cool attitude. I remember how cute you were trying to convince my mom that I was a good cook and how my mom went ha ha thinking this guy must have been crazy to have said that about my daughter. Ohh how he must have been head over heels with her he he. And I remember how you went crazy every single night taking care of the dishes and my mom would go whispering to me on how long it took you to finish the chores. And I told my mom yeah he is like that mother he does everything in detail and he does everything good.

My mom and dad loved you dearly and I remember them saying how cool it would be if only you were a Muslim. Being a good person that you were they were pretty much sure that you would be one of those granted Heaven by Allah during the After Life. You might go ha ha when you read this dear but then again I am just sharing with you their inner thoughts. Not that it matter that you were not a Muslim but then again I guess things would have been different if you were one. I remember her saying what a gentleman you were and how you have got everything figured out since you seemed to have the solution to everything. But no you did not have a solution for us. Well can't blame you as I did not have a solution for us either.

I think you know how I am pretty much disappointed with how things finally turned out. I guess me being me I was hoping for some sort of miracle where you would leave everything just to be with me just like in the movies y'know? But life ain't no movie so here we are trying to sort all this mess that we had created ourselves. But don't worry baby I know this is killing you as much as it is killing me for things to have turned out this way. I know it kills you to not being able to be the person that I want you to be and for breaking my heart but then again darling you have got your own life, hopes and dreams and I can totally understand that really, even when I go ballistic over you from time to time.

Sometimes it made me wonder if your life experience has got anything to do with all of this. I never brought this up darling because I was afraid it would upset you but then again the question has been going over and over my head for the trillionth time. Do not ever think that you will turn out to be bad because I can bet you my life you will not because you are too good of a man.

I know I have said this before but I will say it again. I am glad our path crossed and I am honored to be given a chance to know someone as special as you are. People say you might be one person to the world but you might be the world to one person, well that person is me. You will always have a special place in my heart and I am sure I will be too in yours.

I wish you well and I wish that this life becomes all you ever wanted. I wish for us to be friends forever. I wish for all the happiness in the world because you deserve it baby.

The Rate Race

I am not the type who is able to sit still. Put me in a routine for a month, and I'll fidget like crazy!

This 9-5 thingy is not working for me. I long to be outside, I long for the flexibility, I long for the ability to work at my own pace, whenever I want, wherever I want!

I love (cute & intelligent) kids, and I love being around them. I love the idea of painting their lives with positive values. And I love the idea of having a positive impact on a child. I, however, do not think I have the patience for those with learning disabilities nor those hyperactive-throwing-tantrum kids! (me being very honest here!)

I wish to have a book published. I wish to be able to write. I wish to have that story-teller ability, to have that flair for writing, to put a smile on people's faces, to have an impression to my readers. Big dream bohoooo!

I am still looking for that dream job. The job which allows me to wake up with a smile in the morning, to have the exuberance of getting to the work place, the one with the fulfilled and accomplished feelings at the end of the day.

I anticipate for the day when I'll finally figure it out.

Ideas anyone?

Mummy's Words of Wisdom

We fought over some silly matter - well, silly to her, at least.

I needed her consent over this silly mission,  and she flatly turned me down.

I got upset, and said some things which shouldn't have been said in the first place. 

She sent me a text message which left me rather dumbstruck, and rather embarrassed that I had to play truce. (Darn, why must she be so damn smart?)

What she said was...  

"Let me tell you what you have. You're intelligent, beautiful, healthy, surrounded by people who love you, a good job...kene bersyukur dengan apa yang ada dan selalu berdoa"

Thank you mummy for these wise words. I'll just post it here as a reminder to myself. 

I love you.

Old Entry

I was tidying up my blog and came across an entry which was still in draft and never got posted. I wrote it a year ago, somewhere in February I think, while struggling with my thesis.

I could not really remember why I got stuck into finishing this particular entry. Maybe I was having one of those writer's block halfway through. Heck, maybe I just got lazy.

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"It was a short 20 minutes ride from school after an early morning meeting with the supervisor. I was all alone in the bus, feeling bored and looking out through the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of anything interesting in the hope of amusing myself. I saw people going about their lives, hurrying to an unknown destination or simply enjoying the walk with their loved ones or errr, loved dogs. I saw bits of flowers here and there, blooming from the lifeless trees, indicating that a new season is coming.

To be honest I have always been expecting something different from these people, a different kind of life in this part of the world where life is said to be good and prosperous. Much to my disappointment, I see people doing the same thing everywhere I go. It doesn't matter where you are. You could be in london, paris or KL, people would still be doing the normal day to day stuff - they go to school, they work, do groceries, do the dishes, play with the kids, go out for the so called teh tarik session blah blah. I laugh at myself from time to time, thinking of how much expectation I had prior to coming here, just to see life so similar to what I had in my own country?? Haha what a joke!

But I do believe that I am somehow seeing things a bit differently now. Some in good, while others in a little bit of a distorted point of view, perhaps. It amazes me to see how many people back home are still blindly fooled by the mainstream media which are obviously controlled by the powers-that-be, while the oppositions are given zero access to it. It sickens me to see what sort of fool the current ruling party think of the people, or how investigations either get swept under the carpet or goes round and round, turning away from the actual issue.

It's also funny to think of how the Malays are so taksub with the believe that we are the race with the most budi bahasa. And how the West are poisoning the minds of our young ones with their lifestyle, culture and what not. Sape kata mat saleh takde budi bahasa?"
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Reading through this particular entry reminded me of the exact feeling I had on that bus.

Reading through this entry reminded me of how frustrated I was with the Malaysian politics, the grievance felt to the fate of my beloved country, not forgetting the complaint session with DCM!
(Thanks for being a great listener! :D)

Most importantly, reading through this entry reminded me of my old self.

I like my old self.

But I don't quite like the person I am turning into.

But heck, it's not too late to turn back time!

Thoughts

They say it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I don't know if this is politically correct, nor sane.

I met someone, fell hard for him like I never thought I would, had tremendous love and butterflies over the period, and in the end, parted.

How can life be so cruel?

Beats me.

Have you ever felt so lonely in a room full of people
so hopeless
that you just wish to become invisible?

Have you ever felt so hurt
that you can actually feel your heart physically crumbling apart?

Have you ever felt so restless
that your brain just couldn't stop thinking
but you're still left clueless, and emotionless?

Have you ever felt the nothingness
of everything, and everyone?

Have you ever felt so tired of the pretension
off being happy and strong
when all you wanted to do was to curl up in bed and cry?

I did.

and still am.

But that's ok, coz I know that this too, shall pass.

Maybe it's true when people say love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

Nevertheless, you're still the best thing that ever happened to me.

Are People That Ignorant Or Are They Just Plain Stupid?

I came across this article while googling through the Internet. 

It's called "Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature".

Check out the full article at http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-4359.html

Isn't this the craziest thing you've ever read???

4. Most suicide bombers are Muslim

According to the Oxford University sociologist Diego Gambetta, editor of Making Sense of Suicide Missions, a comprehensive history of this troubling yet topical phenomenon, while suicide missions are not always religiously motivated, when religion is involved, it is always Muslim. Why is this? Why is Islam the only religion that motivates its followers to commit suicide missions?

The surprising answer from the evolutionary psychological perspective is that Muslim suicide bombing may have nothing to do with Islam or the Koran (except for two lines in it). It may have nothing to do with the religion, politics, the culture, the race, the ethnicity, the language, or the region. As with everything else from this perspective, it may have a lot to do with sex, or, in this case, the absence of sex.

What distinguishes Islam from other major religions is that it tolerates polygyny. By allowing some men to monopolize all women and altogether excluding many men from reproductive opportunities, polygyny creates shortages of available women. If 50 percent of men have two wives each, then the other 50 percent don't get any wives at all.

So polygyny increases competitive pressure on men, especially young men of low status. It therefore increases the likelihood that young men resort to violent means to gain access to mates. By doing so, they have little to lose and much to gain compared with men who already have wives. Across all societies, polygyny makes men violent, increasing crimes such as murder and rape, even after controlling for such obvious factors as economic development, economic inequality, population density, the level of democracy, and political factors in the region.

However, polygyny itself is not a sufficient cause of suicide bombing. Societies in sub-Saharan Africa and the Caribbean are much more polygynous than the Muslim nations in the Middle East and North Africa. And they do have very high levels of violence. Sub-Saharan Africa suffers from a long history of continuous civil wars—but not suicide bombings.

The other key ingredient is the promise of 72 virgins waiting in heaven for any martyr in Islam. The prospect of exclusive access to virgins may not be so appealing to anyone who has even one mate on earth, which strict monogamy virtually guarantees. However, the prospect is quite appealing to anyone who faces the bleak reality on earth of being a complete reproductive loser.

It is the combination of polygyny and the promise of a large harem of virgins in heaven that motivates many young Muslim men to commit suicide bombings. Consistent with this explanation, all studies of suicide bombers indicate that they are significantly younger than not only the Muslim population in general but other (nonsuicidal) members of their own extreme political organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah. And nearly all suicide bombers are single.

A Reminder...

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'