...

I kinda miss you today so here I am writing you a smoochy love note to get the feeling off my chest. I was looking through your profile and that picture of you standing in front of the huge Alcatraz reminded me of the good times we had merely some time ago. That had me smiling for a while looking at your once spunky short hair that I oh loved so dearly. I remember how close we were and how much I like being around you and you around me.

I remember how cool it was when you came over night after night to have dinner with my family. That made me fell even more for you and I remember thinking oh what a cool guy you were with such cool attitude. I remember how cute you were trying to convince my mom that I was a good cook and how my mom went ha ha thinking this guy must have been crazy to have said that about my daughter. Ohh how he must have been head over heels with her he he. And I remember how you went crazy every single night taking care of the dishes and my mom would go whispering to me on how long it took you to finish the chores. And I told my mom yeah he is like that mother he does everything in detail and he does everything good.

My mom and dad loved you dearly and I remember them saying how cool it would be if only you were a Muslim. Being a good person that you were they were pretty much sure that you would be one of those granted Heaven by Allah during the After Life. You might go ha ha when you read this dear but then again I am just sharing with you their inner thoughts. Not that it matter that you were not a Muslim but then again I guess things would have been different if you were one. I remember her saying what a gentleman you were and how you have got everything figured out since you seemed to have the solution to everything. But no you did not have a solution for us. Well can't blame you as I did not have a solution for us either.

I think you know how I am pretty much disappointed with how things finally turned out. I guess me being me I was hoping for some sort of miracle where you would leave everything just to be with me just like in the movies y'know? But life ain't no movie so here we are trying to sort all this mess that we had created ourselves. But don't worry baby I know this is killing you as much as it is killing me for things to have turned out this way. I know it kills you to not being able to be the person that I want you to be and for breaking my heart but then again darling you have got your own life, hopes and dreams and I can totally understand that really, even when I go ballistic over you from time to time.

Sometimes it made me wonder if your life experience has got anything to do with all of this. I never brought this up darling because I was afraid it would upset you but then again the question has been going over and over my head for the trillionth time. Do not ever think that you will turn out to be bad because I can bet you my life you will not because you are too good of a man.

I know I have said this before but I will say it again. I am glad our path crossed and I am honored to be given a chance to know someone as special as you are. People say you might be one person to the world but you might be the world to one person, well that person is me. You will always have a special place in my heart and I am sure I will be too in yours.

I wish you well and I wish that this life becomes all you ever wanted. I wish for us to be friends forever. I wish for all the happiness in the world because you deserve it baby.

The Rate Race

I am not the type who is able to sit still. Put me in a routine for a month, and I'll fidget like crazy!

This 9-5 thingy is not working for me. I long to be outside, I long for the flexibility, I long for the ability to work at my own pace, whenever I want, wherever I want!

I love (cute & intelligent) kids, and I love being around them. I love the idea of painting their lives with positive values. And I love the idea of having a positive impact on a child. I, however, do not think I have the patience for those with learning disabilities nor those hyperactive-throwing-tantrum kids! (me being very honest here!)

I wish to have a book published. I wish to be able to write. I wish to have that story-teller ability, to have that flair for writing, to put a smile on people's faces, to have an impression to my readers. Big dream bohoooo!

I am still looking for that dream job. The job which allows me to wake up with a smile in the morning, to have the exuberance of getting to the work place, the one with the fulfilled and accomplished feelings at the end of the day.

I anticipate for the day when I'll finally figure it out.

Ideas anyone?

Mummy's Words of Wisdom

We fought over some silly matter - well, silly to her, at least.

I needed her consent over this silly mission,  and she flatly turned me down.

I got upset, and said some things which shouldn't have been said in the first place. 

She sent me a text message which left me rather dumbstruck, and rather embarrassed that I had to play truce. (Darn, why must she be so damn smart?)

What she said was...  

"Let me tell you what you have. You're intelligent, beautiful, healthy, surrounded by people who love you, a good job...kene bersyukur dengan apa yang ada dan selalu berdoa"

Thank you mummy for these wise words. I'll just post it here as a reminder to myself. 

I love you.

Old Entry

I was tidying up my blog and came across an entry which was still in draft and never got posted. I wrote it a year ago, somewhere in February I think, while struggling with my thesis.

I could not really remember why I got stuck into finishing this particular entry. Maybe I was having one of those writer's block halfway through. Heck, maybe I just got lazy.

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"It was a short 20 minutes ride from school after an early morning meeting with the supervisor. I was all alone in the bus, feeling bored and looking out through the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of anything interesting in the hope of amusing myself. I saw people going about their lives, hurrying to an unknown destination or simply enjoying the walk with their loved ones or errr, loved dogs. I saw bits of flowers here and there, blooming from the lifeless trees, indicating that a new season is coming.

To be honest I have always been expecting something different from these people, a different kind of life in this part of the world where life is said to be good and prosperous. Much to my disappointment, I see people doing the same thing everywhere I go. It doesn't matter where you are. You could be in london, paris or KL, people would still be doing the normal day to day stuff - they go to school, they work, do groceries, do the dishes, play with the kids, go out for the so called teh tarik session blah blah. I laugh at myself from time to time, thinking of how much expectation I had prior to coming here, just to see life so similar to what I had in my own country?? Haha what a joke!

But I do believe that I am somehow seeing things a bit differently now. Some in good, while others in a little bit of a distorted point of view, perhaps. It amazes me to see how many people back home are still blindly fooled by the mainstream media which are obviously controlled by the powers-that-be, while the oppositions are given zero access to it. It sickens me to see what sort of fool the current ruling party think of the people, or how investigations either get swept under the carpet or goes round and round, turning away from the actual issue.

It's also funny to think of how the Malays are so taksub with the believe that we are the race with the most budi bahasa. And how the West are poisoning the minds of our young ones with their lifestyle, culture and what not. Sape kata mat saleh takde budi bahasa?"
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Reading through this particular entry reminded me of the exact feeling I had on that bus.

Reading through this entry reminded me of how frustrated I was with the Malaysian politics, the grievance felt to the fate of my beloved country, not forgetting the complaint session with DCM!
(Thanks for being a great listener! :D)

Most importantly, reading through this entry reminded me of my old self.

I like my old self.

But I don't quite like the person I am turning into.

But heck, it's not too late to turn back time!

Thoughts

They say it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I don't know if this is politically correct, nor sane.

I met someone, fell hard for him like I never thought I would, had tremendous love and butterflies over the period, and in the end, parted.

How can life be so cruel?

Beats me.

Have you ever felt so lonely in a room full of people
so hopeless
that you just wish to become invisible?

Have you ever felt so hurt
that you can actually feel your heart physically crumbling apart?

Have you ever felt so restless
that your brain just couldn't stop thinking
but you're still left clueless, and emotionless?

Have you ever felt the nothingness
of everything, and everyone?

Have you ever felt so tired of the pretension
off being happy and strong
when all you wanted to do was to curl up in bed and cry?

I did.

and still am.

But that's ok, coz I know that this too, shall pass.

Maybe it's true when people say love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

Nevertheless, you're still the best thing that ever happened to me.

Are People That Ignorant Or Are They Just Plain Stupid?

I came across this article while googling through the Internet. 

It's called "Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature".

Check out the full article at http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-4359.html

Isn't this the craziest thing you've ever read???

4. Most suicide bombers are Muslim

According to the Oxford University sociologist Diego Gambetta, editor of Making Sense of Suicide Missions, a comprehensive history of this troubling yet topical phenomenon, while suicide missions are not always religiously motivated, when religion is involved, it is always Muslim. Why is this? Why is Islam the only religion that motivates its followers to commit suicide missions?

The surprising answer from the evolutionary psychological perspective is that Muslim suicide bombing may have nothing to do with Islam or the Koran (except for two lines in it). It may have nothing to do with the religion, politics, the culture, the race, the ethnicity, the language, or the region. As with everything else from this perspective, it may have a lot to do with sex, or, in this case, the absence of sex.

What distinguishes Islam from other major religions is that it tolerates polygyny. By allowing some men to monopolize all women and altogether excluding many men from reproductive opportunities, polygyny creates shortages of available women. If 50 percent of men have two wives each, then the other 50 percent don't get any wives at all.

So polygyny increases competitive pressure on men, especially young men of low status. It therefore increases the likelihood that young men resort to violent means to gain access to mates. By doing so, they have little to lose and much to gain compared with men who already have wives. Across all societies, polygyny makes men violent, increasing crimes such as murder and rape, even after controlling for such obvious factors as economic development, economic inequality, population density, the level of democracy, and political factors in the region.

However, polygyny itself is not a sufficient cause of suicide bombing. Societies in sub-Saharan Africa and the Caribbean are much more polygynous than the Muslim nations in the Middle East and North Africa. And they do have very high levels of violence. Sub-Saharan Africa suffers from a long history of continuous civil wars—but not suicide bombings.

The other key ingredient is the promise of 72 virgins waiting in heaven for any martyr in Islam. The prospect of exclusive access to virgins may not be so appealing to anyone who has even one mate on earth, which strict monogamy virtually guarantees. However, the prospect is quite appealing to anyone who faces the bleak reality on earth of being a complete reproductive loser.

It is the combination of polygyny and the promise of a large harem of virgins in heaven that motivates many young Muslim men to commit suicide bombings. Consistent with this explanation, all studies of suicide bombers indicate that they are significantly younger than not only the Muslim population in general but other (nonsuicidal) members of their own extreme political organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah. And nearly all suicide bombers are single.

A Reminder...

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.'