Penat

Ini adalah entry melepas perasaan: dont say I didn't warn ya peeps.

I am dead tired with questions pertaining to my fiancee. Some friends seemed to be overly concerned with the fact that I am engaged to a dude who is 12 years older than me. I have been asked various questions ranging from his bank account up to my parent's approval.

I would not say it did not hurt me as some of them came from those who are dearest to me. What amuses me the most is those questions came from friends with good educational background, work in top notch companies yet the mentality?

I'd say shallower than a kiddie pool. Nothing much to dig in there.

I mean, do I look like some bimbo who's got dollar signs in my eyes? Or someone who's marrying a dude who can be considered my dad? Am I ugly to a point I have no options and have to make do to anyone who proposed?

Last time I checked my advanced European masters degree is still intact in the blue folder. And I still receive my monthly paycheck from what many considered a reputable company. I may not go on hot dates every Saturday night but I think I look decent enough to have had boyfriends and dates over the years to be able to say that most men suck. Big time. Yeah, just like you. With pea sized brain who act like assholes.

What's with the age? What's the big deal about it? Tell me pretty please coz I just don't get it really. And what's with the question of whether he is rich? Even if he is, then what? Aren't you supposed to be happy for me? Does it make me a tramp for wanting to be with someone who has a good job and a decent paycheck?

Is age a breaking point? A go or no go? Maybe it is if you're marrying someone who can be considered your dad or your grandpa. But is 12 bloody years too much? Heck, he can even be your brother. Maybe he is a tad older, so what? Have you ever considered other questions to ask? Like whether he is a nice chap? Someone who comes from a good family? Is he responsible? Does he has good education / job? Is he smart enough for me to be able to look up to him? Does he make me laugh?

Would it matter if I told you that he is a super nice chap up to a point he is taken advantage off over and over again? Or that he was badly heartbroken once yet still wishes her the best in all that she does? Would it matter if I told you that he contacts his mother and sisters almost daily even when he is thousands of miles away? Would it count that he was the youngest chap by at least 10 years to have ever run the school? Or the fact that he goes out to lunch at least once a week with his janitor, and invites her to the school's fiesta when everybody else look down on her?

Maybe not. Coz no matter what I say you would still think that I am going for his money or probably snatching the first moving thing that comes my way.

I'm sorry if your hubby / boyfriend is having trouble to make ends meet and have to rely on you at the end of the month. I'm sorry that you have to chip in a hefty sum for that roof over the head and the furnishing even when it is his duty to provide. I'm sorry that he does not help you in the kitchen or with house chores even when he is not the sole breadwinner. Or the fact that he is not sensitive enough to remember your birthday and appreciate your sacrifices even when you bore him his child.

Just coz you're in deep shit, it doesn't make it right for you to condemn. Or is it jealousy that I sense?

You dated a guy for 6 bloody years and he wasted it on a bitch, yet had the guts to come crying to you and tell you that you're the very best thing that ever happened to him.
You dated a serial dater who told you that he had his eyes on you since the first day you two met, but who were you kidding?
And then you met someone who's smart, kind and sweet, and you thought hey, you've hit the jackpot big time. But then again, even the sweetest guy screw you and took you for a ride.

Men are just full of crap.

What the hell was I thinking when I said yes?

I go crazy when it's the time of the month. Bear with me honey.

I go crazy when it's the time of the month

cha ya nun alif celaka.

Melantak sudah tidak ada lagi dalam kamus hidup saya

Iye la tuh.

Tadi pagi saya makan meehoon goreng dengan telur mata dan sambal. Nak di jadikan cerita sambal tu ada belacan tapi saya belasah jugak. Habis la zit face muka saya pagi besok. Elok la tu, exactly what I needed. Lunch time pulak saya nekad pegi aerobic. Time melompat ok lagi, tiba time floor exercise memang saya kantoi. Huhu sangat sedih menjadi gemok dan takde stamina. It's 4.19 p.m here, I haven't eaten since and my tummy is making noises. LOTS of noises.

By the way, comel kan daisypath kat atas tuh? Main main dgn benda tu tetiba semalam baru sedar yang shoot, I only have like a month, 3 weeks and 2 days till the big day. Sempat ke nak kurus nie? Mati la pakai baju kahwin macam sarung nangka la gamaknya.

Anyway, I recently bought myself 2.5 meters of beaded off-white lace and also, 4 meters of off-white satin. Like I mentioned in the previous entry, I wanted to initially make baju kurung moden for all 3 ceremonies including the reception, so smart me figured that I'd be using 2 meters for the baju and half a meter to make patches to the kain and veil as to not look like a moving curtain (y'know, in a full body beaded lace. Ke cantik ah?). Anyway, few days ago I came across a simple yet elegant design on the internet which is perfect, I tell you, PERFECT for my white theme wedding. I emailed the photo to my mom and the first thing she said was "Eh, awak tu tembam. Boleh ke design macam nie? Nanti nampak perut boncit lak. Plus you need at least 3 meters for this kind of design." So there goes my dream dress :(

Apart from that, THE PERFECT DRESS is also made off french lace which cost a bomb and would definitely put a hugeeee hole in my pocket but I soooo want it like badlyyyy, teruk kannnnn? Told dear fiancee about it and obviously he thinks it's ridiculous to spend that much moolah for a 4 hour event plus you might not wear the dress anymore in future since it is white. Huwaaaaaa! Saya nak jugak boleh tak??? Saya tak boleh tido malam terkenang baju tu so can I please pretty please have it pleaseeeeeee?? Yes this is me bridezilla speaking! Tapi saya takut mak saya tau nanti dia marah. So much for kenduri kesyukuran nak beli kain harga tak masuk akal.

Annnyway, was talking to a colleague today and showed the same photo and he said "Go ahead! First of all you are not fat and second of all everybody has got tummy and you can always wear corset to cover it up". Tapi kan cemana nak cover kelebaran dari tepi lak??? Beats me.

Sangat sedih menjadi gemok.