Meroyan

I like to think of what I would love to do for a living whenever I'm on my own. It's like an addiction for the past 6 years. Somehow I kept having this vision of being surrounded by kids. Kids ranging from 3 - 12 years old. Kids 3-5 years especially. It feels cheesy to dream about becoming a teacher. Nobody in the X-generation dream of becoming a teacher coz it's just not cool. And to be involved with kids? Lotsa kids? Or is it the biological clock knocking?

Instead of doing the permanent head damage I am now thinking of doing a graduate diploma for a year so I can become a registered teacher. The truth is that I am not keen on this permanent head damage thingy no matter how much I tell myself that it'll do good to my resume and career path. When you really think about it, it doesn't really makes sense to be doing something that you don't love, does it? Why would I wanna torture myself into doing something that I loathe just coz it sounds good on paper? But if I do take that path, what would happen when I get back? Would it be valid for me to teach back home? What would the pay be like? Would I have to start from the beginning like fresh graduates do? There's a huge possibility there, I think. But if I can't than do I have to start looking for office jobs again coz I know I'd hate to do that. I guess if I were to go home anytime soon than the best path is to stick to the initial plan, but that wouldn't make me happy in the long run, would it?

And it makes it a lot harder with the fact that I'm beginning to like this place and having thoughts of making it home. Low crime rate, low traffic, less stress, more quality time - perfect place to raise a family. But that would break mom's heart. Period. It's a battle between doing something that you want and doing something that your love ones want and it drives me crazy whenever I think about it.

I once dreamt of running a small cafe with wooden interiors all over. Wooden chairs, wooden table, wooden counter top, wooden shelves and wooden everything. Yellow lighting. That would go well with my wooden floor. And I'd serve people good quality food which I cook from my heart. Yeah yeah laugh your heart out ;p When I was in Reading I used to help out a friend who owns a cafe a couple of times and guess what, I changed my mind after doing that. Just like that. Poofff. It doesn't work like what I had in mind. It was waking up at 6 in the morning to open at 11 and going back at midnight when it closes at 6. And that wasn't even a proper cafe with in-house dining, it was a take-away cafe which serves food from the freezer. What if the same thing happen this time around? What if I spend a year in graduate school, and spend all the moolah, and end up not liking the job?

When I started working I used to have this particular question running in my head. I kept thinking about the purpose of life and it drove me crazy every single time. I had a decent job, a decent pay, fabulous friends and I was seeing someone. I was not bad for a 22 year old yet felt something was missing. It felt wrong to be getting up in the morning day in day out, dragging yourself to work, come back home, watch telly and doze off - the cycle continues. Is that it? Is that life? Have I got nothing to offer apart from spending and doing everything for myself? I think I used to drive my friends crazy whenever I brought this up coz to them life was OK, not fabulous but OK and they just don't get where I come from and why I felt that way. And I don't get how they can be so content with what they do and have. I wanted to travel, I wanted to see the world but there was not much to spare. I thought that maybe, just maybe if I get to see more of the world I'd finally get the idea of what I really want in life. And there comes the scholarship and it was like a dream come true. I get to see more of the world but it left me for longing for more.

Maybe I am spoilt in a way that I want everything, and the fact that I need to have all the parts working. Partner wise, family wise, friends and career. I don't see how people can be content having just one. I disagree with the way some people stay away from their friends and what they love doing when they settle down. Having a partner completes you, I agree. But I believe that you still need to have the other 3 to be completely happy and content. I see many women crumbling down when they have issues with their partner coz they just don't see their lives in portions. And the fact that they don't have the other portions working because they are so into the relationship they would just simply abandoned everything else and work on the one portion that they think matters the most. I crumbled once too, I believe everyone has at one point or another, else you didn't do much living or had much love. But I try not to sabotage the other 3 portions that makes life beautiful.

When I was a lot younger I thought I'd had it all figure out by this time but nope, that didn't happen. Bohooo. But I do know that I have a lot to be thankful for. I don't know what got into me to be thinking of this right now, probably the fact that I have too much time to kill. It drives me crazy to not having to work and I'd never thought that I'd feel this way coz I loathe my previous job and I hated the rat race. Period.

I hope one fine day I'll find what it is that I love doing so I can say to myself that hey! this is it! this is me doing what I love to do, day in day out coz you know what - life is short and it's not worth wasting it at something you loathe.

Sometimes when I cook, I weep

That was by far the stupidest script I've ever heard for a cheese commercial on the idiot box. And to team it up with a gorgeous Italian man who speaks thick Italian accent (drool heheh) while cooking pasta in his spotless kitchen was actually bluwekkkk (and I thought Greek TV shows were the worst! ;p)

Went for some groceries last night at Pakn'Save after the better half finished his badminton session and whaddaya know, the flat peach has finally made it's way in town and got themselves on the counter and here it's known as Peaches Flatto. Go figure heheh. I've been trying to tell him about this peach ever since we got here. That got me reminded a lot about Madrid and the fun times that I had coz that was the exact place where I first saw this particular fruit. It looks ugly as compared to the normal peach but like what my mom always say, the hideous it looks, the better it tastes. I wonder if that applies to people too. In the sense that the more hideous they look, the better they are? I know some who look hideous and act like one too. Huh!

Did I ever told you people that I got a Salvatore Ferragamo purse as a wedding gift from his cousin? I mean, who the heck would ever give you a Ferragamo on your wedding day???? Or any day for that matter??? Another mind boggling gift was from his aunt - a gold bracelet. Like what the??? Who the heck would give you gold apart from your parents???? That still gives me chill on my spine whenever I think about it! I got some cool ones from my parents too - that hotel room and the flight tickets to Queenstown for our honeymoon. And it's cool that I got that givenchy perfume, lingeries and a diffuser to go with it muehehe. Thanks NI, NA, RM, SS and NNK!!

Nothing much has been going on. The work permit has been sent off yesterday at Queen's street, let's see how that one goes. The permanent head damage application has been lodged. We'll see how that one goes too. We went for movies in the park at Greenhithe the other day to watch Fame and it's funny coz we thought we had it over the top with our pillows and sheets and foodies but when we got there, we haven't got much as compared to others with their bean bags and nice chairs and sleeping bags and lots more! Another month to go and I'm loving it! The next would be Transformers 2 at I-can't-remember-where. Anyway, what I really wanted to point out is a quote from that movie which goes something like this...

"Happiness is waking up in the morning knowing that you're doing something you love and going to bed at night feeling that you've done your very best at it"

Cool aye?

When will I land a job that makes me happy? Will I ever figure it out?

Sebagai peringatan

1. Memberi/membuat segelas air untuk suami -> mendapat pahala puasa sunat 1 tahun.

2. Menyedia/memasak makanan yang mengenyangkan suami -> mendapat pahala haji dan umrah.

3. Menguli tepung gandum dengan bismillah -> Allah akan berkatkan rezeki.

4. Menyapu lantai dengan berzikir -> mendapat pahala seperti meyapu lantai di Baitullah.

5. Melayani dengan baik suami yang pulang ke rumah di dalam keadaan letih -> mendapat pahala jihad.

6. Menjaga solat, puasa, menutup aurat serta taat pada suami selagi suami tidak melanggar syara’ -> diizinkan Allah memasuki syurga dari mana2 pintu.

7. Melayan suami tanpa khianat -> mendapat pahala 12 tahun solat.

8. Mengurut suami tanpa di suruh -> mendapat pahala 7 lapis emas.

9. Mengurut suami setelah disuruh -> mendapat pahala 7 lapis perak.

10. Memandang suami dengan penuh kasih sayang -> dipandang Allah dengan pandangan rahmat.

11. Melayani suami dengan baik dalam keadaan suami marah -> mendapat pahala separuh jihad.

12. Menghamilkan benih suami -> mendapat pahala syahid.

13. Mandi Junub dengan suami -> mendapat pahala seperti bersedekah 1000 ekor kambing pada fakir miskin.

14. Redha suami keluar berjuang ke jalan Allah dan kemudia menjaga adab rumahtangga

-> masuk syurga 500 tahun lebih awal daripada suami, menjadi ketua 70,000 maalaikat dan bidadari, dimandikan di dalam syurga, dan menunggu suami dengan menunggang kuda yang dibuat dari pada yakut.

15. Meninggal dalam keadaan suami redha -> masuk syurga.

Pegi cucuk diri kamu sendiri

Go fuck yourself.

No offense peeps. I wasn't trying to curse or anything but that's exactly what I heard on the idiot box from a show called Orange Roughies (roughies???) on TV 1. Apparently the con-man is a Malaysian who can't speak English and that was what he said to the police officer (pegi cucuk diri kamu sendiri) which later were translated by his translator as go fuck yourself. Te he he.

Apart from the daily tasks as a hot wifey house wife, I've got something to really look forward to this coming Friday.

I'm getting a keyyyyyboarddddd! Yeayyyyyy! A high performance WK-series from Casio with 76 real size touch sensitive backlit keys, exactly the specs that I wanted! Well, even more actually coz I initially only wanted a standard real size 61 key. Thank you sayang!!!! Love yaaaa!!!! Muahx muahx! Sorry I fought with you in the morning. And afternoon ;p

So hubby said he'll get everybody on North Shore to come over Saturday night to hear me play. Ya rite. Bluweekkk. My palms are sweating, my lips are twitching and like what the Brits always say, I just can't bludeh wait! Ngeeeeeee ;D

On another note, I am quite worried about the work permit. Haven't got much time left until my visitor's visa expires on the 10th of April. I've undergone the medical check-up which cost us 470 dollars at Sunnynook medical centre, Sunset drive and Apollo drive last week and the results were all good except for my urine and iron level. The urine was contaminated (had no idea I had to do mid-stream tssk) and apparently I've got iron deficiency therefore, was required to undergo another test just to be sure. The second result wasn't that good either as I was informed that my iron is still extremely low though I had steak the night before. They're setting me up with hubby's GP next Monday for consultation and we'll see how that one goes.

Other than that, there's much to be thankful for. I am beginning to fall in love with this new place called home. The serenity, the calmness, the feel of the different colored sand and the grass underneath my feet. The knowledge that I can be at the beach to ride the waves every single sunny day. To go for quite walks or even a dip in the pool with darling hubby whenever he gets back from work. The knowledge that you're in such proximity to the city, but so far away from the hustle bustle and bad traffic. The fact that you can go do your groceries anytime of the week, even at 2am in the morning in your PJ.

I miss my girls. I miss hanging out and lazing around at Intan's place. I miss lunch and movies with Ennie and Farah, and karaoke too! I miss my sunday brunch with Ai. I miss trying to fit in Sham's very busy schedule. I miss chatting with Ain. I miss K.radhi's company and her mean mushroom and chicken in oyster sauce. I miss the sporadic emails and lunches with Adek and Epit. I miss sharing my secrets, thought, insecurities, hopes and dreams with darling Ijah and mek yue. And lately, I've been missing my Erasmus comrades too. Ton, Paras, Lis, Preston and Jun. I wish you all well and I wish you all find whatever it is you're looking for in life.

Jangan sayang sangat

Nanti sakit.

Love like you've never been hurt?

Bull shit.

Resolution

My brain's kinda dead by now. Life has been on halt work wise, for the last 45 days. Funny that when you're working you're dying to be on leave, but when you're on leave it's the other way round. I guess we shall never be satisfied with what we have.

It's probably a little tiny weeny late for a new year resolution. Not that I've been following any for the last 28 years. Bohoooo. Though it does feel good to write them down coz it gives me some ideas on what I want to do coz I usually forget. Better than sitting like a lazy bum for the rest of the year aye? Also, it's good to be sharing them with you guys coz it'll made me turn red if I don't ever get them all done. So be sure to ask me by end of this year. Muehehe.

1. Learn spanish

2. Learn how to read notes and play keyboard

3. Start a Permanent head Damage.

4. A good scholarship.

5. A part-time job

6. Brush up on swimming and play more sports

7. Lose 6kg for good

8. Cut down on sugar, carb and fat. Eat more greens & 5 servings of fruits per day

9. Drink lotsa water

10. Read, listen and watch more

I have a good feeling that I won't get any of it done but what the heck.

On another note, I am still at odds with other Malays in North Shore. I can't seem to find a common ground on how to connect. Half of the ladies are doing their PhD while the other half are stay-at-home-moms. I met one family from my hometown with 4 adorable kids ranging from 2 to 11 years old. I taught them how to swim once and now the mother is thinking of sending them to me on weekly basis. Not that I mind. In fact, I think I would really enjoy their company. Yesterday we played basketball while the other moms were chit-chatting. I wonder what the other moms think of me. Hmmm. Why can't I find people like you girls here???

People have been asking me whether I like this new place called home. You know it's a difficult question for a fickle minded person like me coz the answer varies from time to time. One time I feel bored to death, another time it feels like Nirvana. From time to time it does occur to me that the ETs really do exist and they're doing an excellent job here - abducting people, that is. Sometimes I strain my ears real hard to listen to people's voices but nope, I only get the sound of the wind and on my lucky days, a meowww. A really faint meow from Salwa. Go figure for a country with 4 million people but 40 million sheep.

Life is pretty much a holiday around here. People seem to take their hobbies a tad too serious but it's good coz they've got cool ones like cycling and surfing and yatch-ing and other water sports that I don't even know their names nor existence before I came down here. They even do cycling on one wheel, like wth??? It's the kinda place where you just pat you friend on the back and say "Hey dude, wanna go ride some waves?" when you don't know what else to do. The other day we went to Piha to watch the World Junior Surf Championship. And on another day we went boogie boarding at Omaha after strolling at Matakana which is also known as the slow-food town simply coz they're against the fast food industry. All within 45 minutes from home. 5 minutes and uphill, you can go see some horses and feed them carrots if you feel like it. Believe it or not.

Signing off for now.

With love.

The aftermath

2 hari lepas kawen saya mimpi melawat taman monyet bersama hubby dan makan yong tau foo berharga RM120 segelas. You read that right. The yong tau foo was half full (note how I use half full rather than half empty after marriage.muehehe. Am I making any sense? whateverrrr). It was also presented to us in a glass rather than a bowl, in water rather than soup. Hubby took a look at the price tag, refused politely and paid RM10 as compensation to the hawker for declining the meal. Betapa mulianya suami saya walaupon dalam mimpi. Apekah? Sayang, was that supposed to be our honeymoon? At taman monyet? Why oh why????

As spooky as it may sound, I dreamt of monyet again last night. This time in the form of Avatar. We were watching the trailer for Avatar before we went to bed, hubby thought it was cool and suggested that we go watch it in 3D today. As much as I want to give it a pass, being a good wifey that I am *ahem* I agreed so we'll be having our first movie as man and wife at 5.50pm today at Hoyt Silvia Park. That made me dreamt of a pitch black menace monkey for the whole night. Lucky he was cute though and behaved well towards the end. I can still see his face staring at me even now. Duh.

Okay let's wrap up the monkey business for now.

Marriage has been bliss so far. We are taking things easy so the transition has been quite smooth. Being an amateur cook, I went to bed late the first night that we arrived in Auckland to prepare the spices for nasi lemak and got up earlier than usual to cook our first breakfast here. Poor hubby got up 3 times that night looking for me as he felt bad for leaving me in the kitchen all alone though I insisted that he should be in bed due the long journey that we had earlier that day. Lucky he loved my dish and couldn't thank me enough, so he brought me to this cool German bar at Mission Bay which serves really scrumptious dishes for dinner. We had masak lemak mussels, tomato soup and chips and waddaya know, it was indeed the best mussels and tomato soup I've ever tasted my whole life! Like seriously! The mussels were huge, at least 4 times the size of mussels in Malaysia, fresh, sweet and chunky, the tomato soup was cooked together with cream and cheese and the taste just kinda explode in your mouth. The coolest really! After the slow walk by the beach, darling hubby took me to Parnel to have a taste at the Chocolate Boutique, a small but packed cafe which serves killer chocolate deserts of all kinds. All this for the small effort of nasi lemak? Cool aye? Maybe that's what people say that when you give, you get back so much more.

Signing off for now. Have so much to share but till then, adios!