Happy Ramadhan 1430

I got a morning buzz from a cousin a couple of days back who mentioned that my life is marked in colors. According to cousin I've got too much of a good thing going on that I'd be a benchmark among our cousins and that got her worried. Ha ha.

I'd say yup my life has been marked in colors though not all have been magnificently bright - some were dim and definitely, some dark ones too. It has been a roller coaster ride like many others - but a good one though. Despite the disappointments and heartbreaks I'd say it has been a hell of a journey and I wouldn't have it any other way. As the saying goes, what does not break you, makes you stronger.

Funny that our life is always observed through rose-tinted glass not by you, but by another human being. It is you and only you who knows the actual picture and the details for each happening, you who feel the pain and sorrow of all that are thought to be glorified events in one's life from another person's perspective. Ain't the grass always greener on the other side? Nevertheless, I still have much to be thankful for.

So, thank you cousin for reminding me of how good life is treating me. Cousin once mentioned that every family is dysfunctional in their own kind of way and I guess it is true to a certain extent. Nevertheless I thank god for a wonderful set of parents who love me to bits despite my flaws (though I kept reminding mother than I am somewhat of a good kid so PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE get off my back and let me be - a cry out which of course were continuously ignored by her...tsk tsk!) Also, I am thankful for the many good friends that I have for you girls have rocked my world! Not forgetting you, yes YOU - you know who you are ;)

On another note, I would also like to wish everyone a very Happy Ramadhan. May this holy month brings the utmost peace and joy to all of us. God bless.

How He Makes Me Feel

Song by Hope - Who Am I to Say

He Who Does Not Know

He asked me once, and I lied. I said nope, I do not write thus I do not own a blog. I didn't feel like I could trust him back then, so I simply lied.

He does not know about the existence of Cikitita.

We talked about many things. Everyday lives. And past relationships. He told me about his ex-girlfriend, his only girlfriend, and even that ended many, many years ago. I told him about me, about what I like and what I loathe, about people who are dearest to me.

I like him. In fact, I like him a whole lot. He is smart and witty, yet humble and unpretentious. He respects me. He does not get on my nerves.

He seems to know about a whole lotta stuff which makes me feel small, and stupid, at times.

He makes me laugh, he even makes me cry.

I guess it is true when they say love will come knocking when you least expect it.

Here we go again

So the meter on my weighing machine has moved to the right. Not an extreme right but a lil teeny weeny right. But still.

My fingers were shaking as I clicked on the BMI calculator. I squinted my eyes to catch the result and to my surprise it was a good 21.7. Hey, not bad for someone who eats like a horse aye?

So I figure, hey, let's be done with the weight madness thingy. From today onwards, I shall eat whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want. I shall say goodbye to calorie count and high protein diet. No more of substituting roti canai for a capati. Or a glass of teh tarik for a teh C.

Ya right!

Deeper conversation

Is your favorite color blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outer space?
And I'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And I'm learning you

And if you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

They say life is not the amount of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away

You showed me the little teddy and that almost got me into a fit. I didn't recognize it at first - not because I wasn't paying attention but because I didn't expect it to still be there. It never crossed my mind that you'd keep it this long and brought it with you across the Indian ocean. It still looks the same only that it doesn't have the tiny chocolate pouch on its tummy anymore coz you ate them all. Instead, it was holding some sort of flower that you got from an old lady who was selling it for charity. You were laughing when you told me about it probably because you think it's just plain silly. But I never thought about it that way - I know you didn't feel like buying but you just couldn't resist helping an old lady on the street could ya? That made my heart blossomed and I pray to God that you'd stay this way forever.

So I grabbed my little bull and shoved it to you. I wanted you to know that I too, still have it close to me. Sometimes I sleep with it in my arms. And when you asked me his name I broke down and cry.

I didn't mean too.

I'm sorry.


You showed me around and told me that you've gotten yourself a silky blanket and it made me wonder if the material makes you cold but you said no. Good, that ought to keep you warm at night. And you showed me the portable air-conditioner that keeps you cool during summer. I saw your so-called wardrobe where you've gotten all your clothes nicely hung. It doesn't look like you shop much. Or probably you have others stacked nicely somewhere in the room. Always a neat you are, I know.

It was funny seeing you putting that helmet on. It felt like nothing had changed. It felt like the good old days where we used to laze around and make good fun of each other, where you told me about your days and I told you about mine. Take good care on the road will ya? Promise I won't tell your mom.

I'm glad you got all your money back. I hope the market will do you good this year and the upcoming year as well. It was good hearing you laughed when I told you that I lost my only potential client due to procrastination. And that I still keep everything in a bond simply coz I'm a chicken. He he.

It was a very nice chat indeed but I was on the verge of breaking down again so I said so long. Good bye. Till next time. Adios.

p/s: I'm ok and will be ok. You take care ok best buddie?

More love notes

I think I shall turn this blog into our virtual love nest where I can spill everything that is in my head. This is kinda crazy you know because it kinda look like I am living my life in the past but then again I am pretty much happy with the past and if the past keeps me happy then so be it aye?

I remember seeing you the first time in that small room with the rest of the crowd and sorry to say baby you were off no significance to me. You were just another bloke nothing better than the rest. I never really took notice in you until a few weeks later when I saw you looking all nice in your S size maroon t-shirt and your grey corduroy, very stylish and strong with your spiky hair and that noticeable biceps on your arms. And I said to myself, Geez, what a lost. The guy must be gay.

From time to time I would let out small giggles when I think of how everything fell into places between us as we are off different world that it was almost crazy that we actually hanged out. But hey they say opposites attract so probably that was what happened back then aye? If I am not mistaken I remember you telling me once that you fell for me for my bubbly-ness and my contagious laughter perhaps? And I fell for you for your big heart and principles. I have never met someone quite like you before.

It took us sometime to hit it off owing to the fact that we see each other every single day. I remember how you would wait up for me so we could walk together everywhere. I remember how jealous you were of AD especially because you think he liked me. Ohh remember that
exact moment when MA came over and massaged you on your back? That got us both spooked! He he.

I am smiling right this very moment reminiscing all those precious moments spent with you. You made it all more colorful and worthwhile, such wonderful memories that left me with this sense of exhilaration whenever I am reminded of them. I am so glad that you were part of it all for it would not have been what it was were you not around. Such wonderful time it was, indeed.